Over 30,000 hours of inner work. Was it wort it ?

The difference between healing today and when I started, in 2019, is everything.

I mark that year as the beginning because it’s when I ordered my first healing course—Reiki. But something much deeper had already begun in the autumn of 2017. That was the life-changing experience. And it didn’t happen to me—it happened in me.

Nothing outside me changed. Only the way I felt shifted—after the day I met the person who is now my husband. Falling in love. Losing. Experiencing disappointment. Feeling deeply. These, I believe, are the true triggers to real, deep healing.

But healing is not only about love.

It’s about all the times your feelings were dismissed.

When what you wanted didn’t matter.

When your dreams and wishes were ignored.

When someone took something from you—or told you that you weren’t capable, that you weren’t enough.

When words, silence, or rejection made you question your worth.

Healing is reclaiming those parts of you.

It’s the work of giving back to yourself what no one else did.

And let’s be honest—healing doesn’t just happen.

You need to work on it.

Otherwise, you stay exactly where you are.

Healing takes effort. Not everyone chooses it. But for all of us, real change requires breaking habits that keep us stuck. If you’ve never taken the time to write down ten statements describing what love is—what it means to you—your healing may not have truly begun. And if those statements are mostly negative or filled with pain, then yes—you still have work to do.

I used to say: I don’t know what love is, but it looks beautiful. I want that.

I didn’t know how it felt.

Now I do.

It’s that feeling where you just want to stay forever. For me, it was something I felt for the first time in my life. I couldn’t even describe it—and that’s what made it extraordinary.

Not because the other person was doing something - but somehow, it was wildly different. The way they did it—it was your way. The way you love it. The way you always wanted to feel, but didn’t know until that moment.

It wasn’t just their presence. It was their energy. Unique. Familiar. Magnetic.

And then, over time, the feeling begins to shift—not by itself, but because you help yourself.

You ask. You receive. You give—to yourself first.

That’s what healing really is.

That feeling becomes sacred.

It’s silent. Calm. Rooted in trust.

You believe it will last—not because you expect someone else to preserve it, but because you’re learning how to give it to yourself.

Because you don’t want to be hurt again.

Not like before.

You’d rather stay alone than let someone disturb your peace, take away your smile, or bring you to tears.

And one day—you understand.

And I hope, truly, that you won’t need 30,000 hours.

But if you do—

It is absolutely worth it.