How to Trust Again? The Disappointment Trap.
Do you remember your first big disappointment?
Maybe back then you thought you were disappointed in another person.
But I want to show you another side.
Disappointment is very often connected directly with ourselves.
With the fact that something didn't work out for us.
We didn't receive something.
Something we really needed in that moment.
And if, right now in your life, you seem motivated, but your thoughts, feelings, and actions are constantly out of step, it's possible that some old disappointment is still living in you as well.
You once tried to do something.
You needed something.
From yourself.
From another person.
From life.
And you may have decided that if you did one specific thing, something would change.
Belief arose. And then hope as well.
These are two things we often mix up.
You believed that something was possible. And you hoped that it would happen exactly that way.
But then something completely different happened.
Shock.
Disappointment.
The collapse of your intentions and of what you had expected from the future.
And right here, disappointment can become very interesting.
Because, without realizing it ourselves, we can start trying again.
Not necessarily repeating the exact same event.
But creating similar situations.
Looking for similar feelings.
Feeling hope again:
this time I will succeed.
We can motivate ourselves.
Encourage ourselves.
Learn.
Do more.
Change.
Try differently.
And think, the whole time:
maybe there is still something I have to do, so that I finally receive what I didn't receive back then.
But here is a question I really want you to ask yourself:
What are you actually still trying to get?
Is it some feeling from the past?
Someone's attention?
Love?
Presence?
Support?
Confirmation that you're all right?
And even more important:
is it even possible to get that today, in the way you hoped back then?
And is that what you truly need today?
For example, to earn more money today, you don't need more of your mom's love or her presence.
You need completely different things.
To understand what you create.
Who needs it.
What its value is.
What you want.
What people need.
What you know how to do.
What still has to be learned.
And what you are ready to do next.
What once didn't work out for you is not necessarily the same thing you need today.
But the mind sometimes mixes these things up.
And for years we can fight for something that, in truth, can no longer be gotten in the form in which we needed it back then.
It's possible that back then you couldn't get the other person to see your needs.
You couldn't get Mom, Dad, or someone else to come.
To notice.
To help.
To choose you.
And then a thought can arise:
maybe there was still something I had to do.
Maybe I needed to be better.
Smarter.
Stronger.
More diligent.
Maybe I needed to do it again.
And again.
And for years a feeling of guilt can remain, too:
it didn't work out for me.
But maybe the truth is completely different.
Maybe back then you did everything you could.
You tried to take care of your need with the means you had in that moment.
You tried to show:
see me.
I need something.
But the other person's reaction was never fully in your control.
And maybe that is exactly where something has to be let go.
Not your need.
Not the thought that you had the right to want it.
But the attempt, even today, to get what you didn't manage to get back then.
Because what you need today may be something else entirely.
To see yourself.
Who you are.
What you do.
What you create.
What value that has.
And to ask yourself honestly:
What do I need now?
Not back then.
Now.
Both inwardly.
And practically.
And from life.
And then one more question:
Where are you going today?
Forward — toward what you want to build now?
Or back — to the place where you once tried so hard to get something that didn't work out for you?
Sometimes disappointment doesn't motivate us to move forward.
It motivates us to try once more to fix the past.