The Cost of Adapting: Why Pressure Will Never Bring Peace

For years, through healing work, psychological treatments, research, and my own lived experience, I’ve come to a realization : we should not force ourselves to adapt.

For me, adapting has often meant pushing myself into something I don’t truly want. That kind of pressure never brought peace — only suffering.

Yes, we can adjust in ways that make the outcome lighter, even happier.

But here’s the truth: most of the time, it’s not only about us. Other people are involved, with their own wishes, limitations, and fears.

And so, instead of pushing ourselves or others, what if we searched for solutions that allowed everyone to breathe, without anyone silently breaking inside?

Is that possible? I believe it is. But it takes time, patience, and honesty.

There must always be a leader when choices affect many. In your own life, you are the one who decides. But when others are involved — who takes that role? And how do we balance freedom with responsibility?

I’ve experienced many shocking changes — from death to health challenges. And I’ve seen how often we’re told to adapt or accept. But if avoiding something brings you peace, let yourself avoid it.

If your whole body says no, listen.

Don’t push yourself. Don’t pressure yourself into adapting, especially when it feels like self-betrayal.

As an example: I can never “adapt” to funerals. For me, they are terrible, heavy, almost unbearable. And that’s okay. I let myself feel everything — anger, sadness, grief, pain. The loss of a loved one, the death of a dream, the rawness of letting go. I can’t make myself like it, but I can allow myself to feel it fully - accept.

And when I allow myself to feel, I also allow myself to soften.

The suffering that resistance creates begins to dissolve.

Because true freedom is not found in forcing ourselves to adapt.

It’s found in listening deeply, respecting what we feel, and daring to say no when everything inside us says no.