Embracing Self-Love: The Power of Setting Boundaries for Personal Growth

I didn’t know much about self-love, boundaries, or personal growth until I got hurt—deeply hurt. The kind of pain that forces you to confront everything you've buried for years. This wasn’t the first time I’d been hurt, but this time, it cut deeper than ever before. And, thankfully, it was the last time.

Getting hurt made me realize something fundamental: I didn’t truly love myself. I had been lying to myself. I thought I had boundaries, but I hadn’t set them for myself—I’d set them for other people, and in doing so, I ended up doing things that hurt me more. I wasn’t prioritizing my well-being because I didn’t even know what was good for me in the first place.

I thought saying “no” sometimes was enough, but it wasn’t. I didn’t understand that true boundaries come from self-love and self-respect. When I ignored what I truly wanted, I ended up in situations that hurt. The real problem was my relationship with myself.

So I had to go inward, to rediscover who I was, and that became the first step in my personal growth. This journey taught me that self-love is the foundation. Without it, we don’t set boundaries that protect our peace, and we don’t understand what we truly need.

I began asking myself: How do I feel right now? Good or bad? And why? These simple questions helped me start identifying what energy I was carrying and where I needed to go. And in some cases, I realized I needed to walk away.

One of the hardest lessons was learning to let go of toxic relationships. I realized that jealousy, for example, wasn’t just about the other person. It was about me. If I felt the need to control someone else or became consumed by jealousy, it wasn’t a reflection of them—it was a reflection of my relationship with myself. The toxicity wasn’t “out there,” it was inside me.

Jealousy, fear, and control only harm us and damage our relationships. But it’s not about the other person; it’s about how we treat ourselves. Instead of focusing on changing others, we need to focus on healing ourselves.

I had to ask: Are there any negative beliefs about myself in my mind? Where are they coming from?

By looking inward, without judgment, I began to understand that self-love is not selfish—it’s necessary. Loving yourself means setting boundaries that reflect your worth. It means protecting your energy and choosing what’s best for you.

Personal growth isn’t just about understanding the bigger picture. It’s also about the details. Love, when it’s real, feels safe, soft, and freeing. It’s creative and positive. It gives you energy, not pain.

And if love feels like it’s hurting you, it’s not love. Trust me, love doesn’t hurt. The pain only comes when we hold onto wounds and cover them with layers of fear and negative experiences.