For many of us, motivation has long been a complex and confusing topic. We ask ourselves, “What motivates me? Why do I make the choices I do?” Over time, I’ve come to understand a key distinction that helps clarify the source of our motivation: Are we driven by a desire to avoid what we fear, or are we moving toward what we truly want with confidence and love?
Two Types of Motivation: Avoidance vs. Desire
1. Avoiding What We Don’t Want:
This is a defensive form of motivation. We make choices to escape discomfort, rejection, fear, or failure. For example, we might stay in a job we dislike to avoid the uncertainty of the unknown. We might stay quiet in a relationship to avoid conflict. The problem with this type of motivation is that it feels empty and unfulfilling. We aren’t moving toward something we love or desire, we’re simply trying to prevent pain.
This approach often leaves us feeling stuck, dissatisfied, and disconnected from our true selves. We’re not truly living—just surviving, avoiding situations that bring discomfort or fear. And because fear remains at the center of our decisions, we never feel confident or fully satisfied.
2. Moving Toward What We Want:
The second type of motivation is driven by pure desire, love, and confidence. Instead of focusing on what we’re trying to avoid, we focus on what we genuinely want to experience in our lives—whether that’s meaningful work, true love, or personal growth.
This type of motivation is rooted in self-trust. We move forward not because we’re afraid of failure, but because we believe in the possibility of success. We trust that even if things don’t go exactly as planned, we are still on the right path, following what feels right for us. When we move toward our goals with love, joy, and confidence, the journey feels purposeful and fulfilling.
My Personal Journey With Motivation
For much of my life, I made choices based on what I wanted to avoid. I stayed in a job I didn’t enjoy because I was afraid of the uncertainty that would come with leaving. I made decisions out of fear of judgment, criticism, and failure. I rejected my own inner voice because I didn’t trust that it was enough.
It took time for me to understand that true motivation comes from pursuing what I love, not from running away from what I fear. For me, the right choice is always made with love and confidence—not with fear or doubt.
When I finally left the job I didn’t enjoy, I realized that I wasn’t just avoiding the discomfort of staying—I was actively moving toward something better for myself. And that felt empowering. Even though it came with financial uncertainty, I knew it was the right choice because I made it from a place of self-love and trust in my own path.
Avoidance vs. Confidence: The Difference Is Clear
When you make decisions out of fear, you’re telling yourself that avoiding discomfort or failure is more important than pursuing what you love. But when you make decisions from a place of confidence and love, you’re telling yourself that your desires are valid, that you are worthy of pursuing what makes you feel alive.
Fear-based motivation says: “I just need to avoid failure, pain, or judgment.”
Love-based motivation says: “I trust myself to go after what I want, even if there are risks along the way.”
How to Shift From Fear to Love in Motivation
1. Identify Your Fear-Based Patterns:
Ask yourself if your decisions are rooted in fear. Are you avoiding something painful or uncertain? Are you making choices to prevent rejection or judgment? Acknowledge these patterns and reflect on how they have limited your growth and fulfillment.
2. Connect With What You Truly Want:
What do you genuinely desire? What brings you joy, excitement, and passion? Instead of focusing on avoiding failure, focus on what you truly want to move toward. Think about the work, relationships, and experiences that would make you feel alive and fulfilled.
3. Trust Yourself:
Self-trust is essential for motivation. When you trust that you are capable of making the right choices—even when the path isn’t always clear—you’ll feel more confident moving toward your goals. Trust that your inner voice is guiding you toward something better.
4. Make Decisions Based on Love:
Whenever you’re faced with a difficult choice, ask yourself if you’re making the decision out of fear or love. Choose love. Choose what makes you feel more connected to your authentic self, even if it feels risky. Confidence and love will always lead you to the right decision in the long run.
The Key to Lasting Motivation: Love, Not Fear
At the core of lasting motivation is this simple truth: We cannot create a fulfilling life by avoiding what we fear. True motivation comes from moving toward what we love, with confidence, trust, and a belief in ourselves. When we make choices based on fear, we feel small, insecure, and disconnected from our true desires. But when we choose from a place of love, our actions feel authentic, and our lives become aligned with our deepest values.
For me, the journey toward self-trust and authentic motivation has been about letting go of fear and embracing what I truly desire. It’s about believing that the right choice is the one made with love, not avoidance. And that’s what motivates me now.
So, ask yourself: What motivates you? Are you driven by the fear of what might happen, or by the love for what could be? The answer might just change the way you live your life.
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